I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm eating all of the evidence.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
