Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
