i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
