Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
