Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i think i just lost a toe
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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