You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You can't just leave with hair like that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize