worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
