i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
