dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
