There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so let's talk penis.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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