yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize