There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
