So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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