somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
