Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
