Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
