Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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