I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
