Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Randomize
