I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did I show you my penis last night?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
