Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
