Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
