You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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