Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
