Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
