Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
