I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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