I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
