his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize