Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
