she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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