Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
