Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
