do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
