Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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