i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
