My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I could fuck to npr.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
