pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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