You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
