drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
