i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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