Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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