yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
