Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Text me some of your sweat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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