I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
