did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
