could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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