good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
