Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
