This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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