i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
