Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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