honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
