i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize