A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
