Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
