I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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