oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
