Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
