Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
