This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize