Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
