im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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