My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
