thus making me awesome and them whores
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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