apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
