ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
