3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
