No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
