Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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