Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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