she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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