Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i believe in u and ur pee
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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