this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
