I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize