the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
