I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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