It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
