shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
